How to Survive a 2-Hour Daily

1. The "Statue" Technique

When the camera is on and you feel sleep hitting, freeze. If someone asks, say your internet froze. Keep your eyes open, but your soul can be sleeping.

2. Daily Bingo

Make a mental card:

- "Alignment"

- "Blocker"

- "Synergy"

- "Let's schedule a pre-daily to align the daily"

- "This is legacy's fault"

Whoever completes the card first wins the right to mute the mic and cry.

3. The Art of Saying Nothing with Many Words

When it's your turn:

"So, yesterday I had a technical blocker in the API stack, which generated overhead in the deploy throughput, but today I'll act on mitigating this gap to ensure value stream delivery."

Translation: "I did nothing yesterday and I'll do nothing today."

4. The Microphone Problem

"Can you hear me?" - repeat this 5 times. "I think my mic is bad, I'll type in chat". There, you won 10 minutes of peace while pretending to fix the sound.

5. Productive Dissociation

Learn to make a nodding face while thinking about the grocery list, or why Donald Duck doesn't wear pants but wears a towel when leaving the shower. The important thing is to nod every 30 seconds.